I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
