I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
