My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
