covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
