i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
