Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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