So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
