Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
