Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
