He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
