I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
