Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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