yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
