angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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