The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
