At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
