I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize