I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
