My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was born a porn star she said
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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