Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
