Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
