Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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