Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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