Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
