I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
