I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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