well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
