You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
