I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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