So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
