I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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