I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
