this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
