I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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