yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
