I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
