I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to make a zoo with you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
