i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
