dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The best revenge is premature balding
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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