Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
