Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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