1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
