we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
