Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
