How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
