so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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