I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
