She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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