I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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