There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
