I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
