i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
