Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
