sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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