Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
