i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
