Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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