First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
