He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
FUCK WHALES
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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