he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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