Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
