Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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