Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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