YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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