He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
