matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
third nipple confirmed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
