I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
