That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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